If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and are now wondering whether you should take it to the next level or are just starting out in a relationship and deciding whether it’s worth your time to continue it, you should do a relationship checkup.
No matter what your situation, taking a few minutes to ask yourself some important questions can make you feel more comfortable moving ahead with it or help you cut your losses and avoid a heartbreaking ending for one or both of you.
① Am I a better person because of the relationship?
A relationship of any kind, whether it’s romantic or not, should help you become the best you that you can be. If your partner encourages you to achieve success, whether emotional, job related or physical, that’s an excellent sign.
However, if he or she is so insecure that he or she stomps the joy out these, you may have a problem. The relationship may only work if you’re messing up, allowing your partner to feel superior. Do you want to live that way for the rest of your life?
② Do I care for him or her the way she or he is or would I love to make changes and visa versa?
Accepting someone for who they are and still loving them is an intricate part of any relationship. You may accept your partner with all their warts and pimples (figuratively speaking), but does he or she accept you? If you feel like you have to act like someone you’re not, then this may not be the relationship for you.
③ Do I know who I really am?
Many people enter relationships struggling with their own identity, as if by magic their partners will help them find it. Unless you understand yourself first, you may find you’re entering a relationship that’s completely wrong for you.
④ Does this relationship increase my happiness?
While a relationship can’t make you happy, it can add to your happiness. It also can spoil that happiness. If you find yourself dreading a whole weekend together, knowing it will end up in a fight or leave you feeling bad, run….as fast and as far as you can. Things won’t change with time, but only get worse.
⑤ Am I part of the reason the relationship isn’t going any further?
Think about the role you play in the relationship. Sure he or she could be more attentive, but so could you. Look for thoughtful ways to show your partner they’re important and you’ll probably find they reciprocate…if not immediately, then eventually. Be thoughtful, drop your grudges about the past and watch how your relationship will bloom.
⑥ Is this a give and take relationship?
If your relationship is all give and no take or all take and no give, there’s something dramatically wrong. Take a long look at the history of the relationship. There may be times when your partner is giving more and times you are, but overall, it should be close to being balanced.
⑦ Is my partner also a good friend? Do we have fun together?
Life should be enjoyable and your relationship should be fun. If you need other people to laugh with and just sit silently together, you may be in a bad relationship.
⑧ Do you have fun when you’re not with your partner?
If you don’t get to see your partner for a while, it’s natural to miss them, but that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying other friends. Pining away because your partner went out with the guys or gals or refusing to go out with your friends may be a sign of co-dependency.
⑨ Am I in this relationship for a good reason?
The only good reason to be in a relationship is because you care about the other person and they care about you. They value, trust and love you, with you feeling the same way about them. If you’re staying with someone for any other reason, such as finances, fear of being alone or fear of the unknown, you’re cheating them and yourself.
⑩ Do I feel trapped?
If you’re constantly looking for ways to end a relationship, even to the point of fantasizing about it, you probably aren’t in a good one. Some people look for ways out by accusing partners of all sorts of things.
Others behave badly hoping the partner will end it. If you are not happy, don’t invest one more second in it. You will be doing your partner and yourself a service admitting it is not working.
⑪ Is there a future?
You may be having fun now, but do both of you see a future in this relationship? You need to form a plan or talk to your partner about where they see it going.
⑫ Is there a feeling of trust for my partner?
Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship. If you don’t trust your partner, is it them or you? Some people simply lack the ability to trust fully, while others are just untrustworthy.
⑬ Is my partner a good person?
Not that you know your partner better, if you were your own friend, would you tell the old you to pursue a relationship with this person or would you say—RUN! RUN LIKE THE WIND!
⑭ Is there a strong physical attraction?
While you can’t base a relationship on the physical attraction alone, it’s hard to have a complete relationship without it. Don’t settle for just being comfortable. It’s not fair to either of you. If you don’t find them attractive it will show and they’ll know it.
⑮ Are we both headed in the same direction?
If you haven’t already talked about the future, such as how each feels about children, marriage, money or religion, you need to do it. Everyone has something that’s really important. If you definitely want children but your partner hates them, it’s better to know right away and end the relationship before it becomes too difficult to do.
⑯ Are you both partners or is one a parent?
Caring for someone is rewarding, but not all the time. You should each get some pampering out the relationship. If one of your is the baby, while the other is the “caretaker parent” both of you are cheated. The baby never gets to achieve his or her potential and the “parent” becomes resentful and tired of playing the role.
⑰ Are you a team?
If you’re not a team, where one person supports the other in presenting a united front, you may as well be alone. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything, but if your partner continuously throws you under the bus, you’re far better off alone.
⑱ Have I changed?
Everyone changes, whether they’re in a relationship or not, but if you’ve created a whole new identity that’s a lie, find a way to end the relationship immediately. You shouldn’t have to change your personality to suit another.
They should love the person you are, not try to mold you into someone else. That does not mean you will not change as time passes, but it does mean your changes will be natural and made because you want to make them.
⑲ Are we growing apart or together?
You should have some separate interests, but you should also have some shared ones. If you are living your life and he or she is living theirs, with the only common bond your dinner or dates, start reevaluating. Both of you should have at least one common passion that helps you grow together and a desire to learn about the other person’s passion.
⑳ Are your instincts telling you to run or stay?
On some level, you know exactly what you should do. Some call it instinct. If you have a feeling you need to break it off or take it to the next level, you’re probably right. Learn to trust your intuition.